Every time I used to read Sartre, Camus, Dostoyevsky or Nietzsche, you used to ask me why I read such depressing books. The ironic truth that they have come in handy at a time of need is what makes my life interesting. If I hadn’t read them all, I would probably be sitting in a corner crying my heart out. Little did I know then that my life would become a novel! When I read Danielle Steel and Sweet valley high as a teen, I used to secretly wish that my life would become one. Now that it has become one, the blissfully idyllic wishing phase is over. I have destroyed the phase with my own insanity. Wishing and living are two different things. You either wish or live. Sorry, baby, you can’t get ‘em all! You don’t have a lot of choice there. I used to hate the empiricists before the death of the wishing phase. I no longer do.
There is nothing such as the absolute truth. The human mind creates it, only to suffer later. Experience, in my arrogant opinion, is the absolute truth. I defy all rules that bind Homo sapiens. I live by my own rules that sway tumultuously according to a situation. You used to tell me that my insanity keeps me sane. Being sane and having the knowledge that one can be sane are again, two different things. I don’t have to tell you which category I fall into.
In “Waiting for the moon” by Kristin Hannah, Ian Carrick thinks Selena is brain-dead. Now I know the inner meaning of the words. The knots are slowly untying themselves. Wonder how conundrums have started unraveling themselves to me. Some achievement this is! 
Now, as I am writing this letter that is going to change both our lives forever, a lopsided grin adorns my tranquil face, making me want to reminisce the memories that I have long shut out of my mind. Hoping even for a little bit of happiness is the sign of the weakest! Life is divine chaos and I embrace it with an open mind and a smiling face. Every dog has its day and I have had mine. Now is the time to let you go. To cling to you would be to destroy you- destroy a part of myself. Now, does that sound like literary nonsense to you? I can’t help it. Remember the time you got angry when I said I hated Wuthering Heights? You are every bit as insane as I am; only you don’t know that you are. Two of a foolish kind we are!
To cut a long story short, I don’t love you. How can a person love herself? I can’t go around telling myself that I am in love with myself! Forgetting you would be next to impossible. Then again, how can I forget myself? Ah! That’s a really funny thought.
I am not a literary genius to end this letter perfectly. This is a parting letter after all. All I can say is this: Stay out of my life. I don’t want to talk to you again, yes, or even think of the past.
Anything more would be superfluous. Period.
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Don’t know what made me write such dark stuff! Blame it on the books I have been reading, of late!
Hi,
I have gone through few of your earlier posts too…well dis letter is very confusing too…i donn’t know but wat evr we write gives an articulate glimpse of wat we are…to me the thoughts above pronounce a Vanity Affair wid life for u …eclectic thoughts picked from diff philosophies entwining your personna…i get d hint of a naturalist in u, but ur mind doesn’t seem to move on from ur past…self contempt, immolating the life lived n guilt seems like holding ur feet. n u trying to escape…though its encouraging to c the intense contemplation of life but u r making every thought relative and trying to find out or relate urself or som intsance of ur life som where….some irrelvancies above Absolute truth( which truth is been refrred above)…suffer–its more of a personal opinion rather than a logical conclusion…defy rules—which rules??..make my own rules–taming urself..then u say wishing or living r different, we either wish or live—i don’t agree…the rules n above statement of wishing is paradoxical.. Hoping for happiness is sign of weakest–i call it optimism..though expecting without giving cud be accented..Divine Chaos–its a paradox again..if its divine its not a Chaotic..if its chaotic its not divine..U embrace it with an opne mind n a smiling face—well u don’ hav a choice…Don’t Luv u…thts a head fake assertion…how can one luv oneself?…Luv Associates wid luv life integrates n without luv the living or life dissociates….but we r growing so is the world around us…telling urself—u need not to tell coz its dere..thts somthing else u accept it or not…But thts the truth n it doesn’t need any recognition any supportive statements or even my words to be revealed..the essence of truth is.. it reveals itself…All i can say is first escapism is not the destination n second is Stop Comapring!!I Stop Preening!! U r just u ..u r just unique..u r just one soul ..one free soul …If u reject all the other paths, you can find your own
P.S- pls don’t consider my words as rhetoric critcism of wat u said coz wat u tried to convey might carry its own virtuous beauty which i am unable to fathom out n hav reverted to the hazy (not so clear) thoughts of yours…
Best,
Vinay
How do you know that it’s a glimpse of what ’she is’ in a deeper sense? Why do you consider it a ‘vanity affair with life’? How do you know it’s a mind ’stuck in the past’ rather than one working out a present? The character represented in the letter is just that, a characterisation of a facet that may, or may not be, a facet of the author’s own thoughts at present. How do you know it’s clinging to a personal guilt rather than an unburdening? The character seems a bit opposite to clinging, one seeking to be themselves. This is a young work of someone trying to process something. It would help understand the points you’re trying to make about it if you wrote in English.